Rite of Passage

"...seeking your help"

HEADLINES: (Rite of passage for children -- need your advice)

Best 3-4 hour program for 11 year old boys in each of five areas -- I need your suggestions in these five areas: Faith, Family, Friends, Fitness, and Finances.

Thinking of family instead of business -- I apologize that this isn't a business-related insight this week -- my head just hasn't been in the business world. It started with my wife and I attending the most humorous and insightful program of our marriage hosted by Rabbi Stephen Baars earlier this week. His program is called Bliss. Thank you goes to my dear friend (and client) Marc Isaacson, CEO of Village   Green Apothecary for making the introduction.

OK, so I've been thinking of business some -- we've nailed down our schedule of Rockefeller Habits workshops for the fall -- listed under EDUCATION below.

Back to family and a transition for my son -- The Jewish community has the Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah -- a way to mark the point where young boys (age 13) and girls (age 12) become responsible for their own actions. I'm looking for a similar process for my children (we're not Jewish) -- BTW, this wasn't what Bliss is about, but it got me thinking.

Getting older younger -- and it seems I need to start this process now, given that my oldest son is turning 11 in August. I discussed this with Rabbi Baars after his workshop and he said you really have to start the process even sooner. Anyway, I'm at where I'm at.

Hand-n-Hand -- so I met with another close friend this week and we outlined a five-year transition program we want to pilot with a group of six 11 year- old boys in August. The rough outline is under DETAILS below. I could really use your feedback, insights, experience, and thoughts.

Therapy Fund -- and hey, please tell me if I'm being overly prescriptive. Being the children of a teacher is almost as tough as being the children of a preacher -- but do know our children have fully funded therapy funds!

DETAILS:

Here's a quick overview of what we've come up with so far as the beginning of a transition process for our 11 year old sons:

Code Named -- "Hand-n-Hand" -- we must offer our hands to our children and guide them through this critical period

Purpose to provide a five-year guided transition for young boys and girls -- age period 11 -- 16

Kick-off week of August 27, 2007

Frameworks (five fingers):

 

1. 5Fs -- Faith, Family, Friends, Fitness, and Finance
2. 5 ways to pray -- Father (God), Family (Immediate), Family (Church), Family (World), Self
3. 5 Bodies -- Physical, Mental, Emotional, Casual, Spiritual
4. 5 years

Description:

Over the next five years, provide a process that helps our children discover their own understanding of Faith, Family, Friends, Fitness, and Finance and initiate some lifelong habits that help them keep these five aspects of their life strong and balanced over time.

(FYI -- the 5Fs came from a presentation I saw decades ago by James Hansberger, one of the top investment advisors in our country. He shared his simple model of priorities -- and yes, he suggests they are in order of importance -- and   I've never forgotten them. In fact, I've used his model to plan my personal priorities each year for the last two decades.)

In the process, reinforce a simple method of prayer using the five finger model Pastor Dave Norman has suggested.

And along the way, help our children develop an awareness and skills for maintaining a healthy "body" in line with the five bodies -- physical, mental, emotional, casual, and spiritual.

Details:

Six Boys: (figured I shouldn't list the names in this email)

Name: Something better than Hand-n-Hand -- something that signifies the transition and would be cool for kids.

Initial Program: We're making this up as we go. As Jim Collins says, the key is finding the right Who -- a key person to help guide us in each of the five areas. And we know it has to be fun and challenging, hands-on, outdoors, various settings, non-competitive, emphasizing teamwork and collaboration.

Proposing that we take the week of August 27 to kick-off the program -- it's the week before school starts and a good time to get the boys back into a structured routine of getting up early and "working." Thinking of running each program from 7am -- 10:30am -- they say the key to mastery is "3 hours/day"   -- each session structured into two 90 minute sessions with a break in-between. Another option is 10:30am -- noon, lunch, then 1:00pm -- 2:30pm -- this is actually when they say boys are most receptive to learning. They would then still have the rest of the afternoon and evening to do what they want.

• Monday -- Faith -- Dave Norman is key guide -- involve reflection time, maybe out at camp.
• Tuesday -- Family -- ? is key guide -- the whole family is involved.
• Wednesday -- Friends -- ? is key guide -- the six boys do some structured activities together like building a go-cart, ropes course, egg drop, emphasize teamwork.
• Thursday -- Fitness -- Steve has an ex-Marine friend that might be guide.
• Friday -- Finances -- I suggested the Eyres program -- boys get allowance equal to what we spend on them and they pay for everything     moving forward -- checking account, etc. -- they put together a simple budget, decide what they are saving for, and decide on a charity to support with 10%.

And obviously, if key components of each of the five can be built into the activities of each of the five, that would be ideal. For instance, the boys stretch each morning and sit in reflection time for five minutes. They'll be with friends all week, so that is self-reinforcing. Tithing can be discussed during Faith and they can put together a quick budget for the activities each day -- something like this to support Finance. And their fathers representing Family will be walking side-by-side doing the activities (hey, the competition could be between the boys and their fathers -- ala "Can you beat a fifth   grader!").

Follow-on:

• Weekly -- Each day of the week could represent one of the 5 Fs
• Once Every Two Months -- Mini-session? Reinforce one of the 5 Fs every two months
• Once a Year -- Repeat the one-week process
• Age 13 -- Big event like a Bar Mitzvah celebration

Again, I could really use your feedback, insights, experiences, and thoughts.

Comments

[Mark Vane]

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[Tony Riddle]

Vern I agree that some event to signify the importance of the transition for our children is worthwhile. For my two boys it has been that at age 12 they were given responsibility to organise a four day trip with me to a location of their choice. While I guess it was not as structured as your plans, the purpose was to have quality time that allowed sufficient time to share / confirm values, beliefs,experience and recognition that he was moving beyond the years of no care no responsibility. The reason I chose four days was that for my boys, the number of days showed the importance of the event and also it provided ample time to talk with and listen to them. After doing this I don't know whether it is my sons or I who benefited the most. Whether you are being too prescriptive I'm sure you will work out with your own son. One thing I'm sure he will see is that your efforts reflect his importance and your love. All the best.

[sgtboz]

This book will help you IMMENSELY --> "Raising a Modern-Day Knight". Get it, read it, implement it. It has helped me structure the way I'll teach and mentor my son. The book is a quick read and worth every penny.